Muscle Car / Hip Priests Tour

Thursday 24th July: The Retro Bar, Manchester.

My day started much earlier than this - having only spoken to Damo once on the phone I set out to pick them up from the Travelodge on Great Ancoats Street. I met Damo and Metal Dave outside the hotel and we waited for Riley, James, and Andy who was driving them around, then headed off to our practice rooms for a jam for a couple of hours. I set them up with our gear and then set about making various arrangements for the gig that night. I could hear them from outside though and it was at this point I knew the next couple of days were going to be fucking mental. They all seemed like good blokes too which is always a bonus!!

So all practiced and polished up we took the gear to the Retro Bar and started to get things under way for the night time. Bands turned up and played, some bands didn't turn up till late, same old story really and it ended up being a little bit of a fuck around until later on. I didn't mind though... this was one of the rare occassions I was leaving my car overnight so I had the old nectar to keep me company.

We played pretty well I thought - much better than the gig we played on Tuesday at The Castle, and our stand in bassist Scott was spot-on!! The Hip Priests were fucking brilliant and even better than the last time I saw them at Hellkat. I'd been looking forward to seeing Muscle Car and they didn't disappoint, raging guitars, pounding double bass drum and massive bass lines - the cover of Motorhead's "Killed by Death" was a top class closer and even better for me when, with a few ales inside me like, Riley chucked me his mic to sing the last few choruses haha.

Not having to drive was good and we stuck around till we got kicked out of the Retro Bar, pissed up and ready to do it all again tomorrow when the party would really start!!

Friday 25th July: Junktion 7, Nottingham
I say the party would really start but it was more of a whim thing that it ended up like it did. We didn't really know what we were doing after the Nottingham gig. We didn't need to take much gear with us (cheers t'priests by the way) so it was plausible that we could stay over. Anyway we left Mackle having a shit at Junktion 7 and me, Nat and Scott headed out to get some fags and stuff. We returned about an hour later however with three keys to a room at the Holiday Inn in the middle of Nottingham haha. Minds had most definitely been made up. So, I dropped the car off and then it was straight back on this piss!!

I really like Junktion 7 as a venue and had been looking forward to playing there again. It was a shame The Hip Priests had to pull out last time, so I was determined that this one was going to be doubly good!!

Pickups n' Pitchforks played, then it was our turn. All was going well until we had a few technical difficulties when Nat broke a string. James brought him another guitar but then we had to tune it down which took a while. All a little embarassing but not to worry. Anyway, we cut a couple of songs off the set and then finished with the mighty "My Baby is a Headfuck" by the Wildhearts which I dedicated especially to Damo cos I know how much he likes it - I fucked the solo up quite a lot at the end, but never mind - it's the thought that counts haha.

I feel I must introduce another character into this story at this point. He goes by the name of Coop and is, let's just say, a fucking lunatic haha. Anyway the Priests played yet another stormer and Coop was going beserk which was brilliant to watch. However not quite as beserk as he was when he invaded the stage for "Killed by Death" from Muscle Car and proceded to sing the entire song down Riley's mic. If I was being cynical I'd say there was a chance he didn't actually know ANY of the words,  haha, but I'll give him the credit of getting the "Killed by Death" bit right. Brilliant anyway!!

So now Nottingham was our oyster. We'd made drunken promises that we were going to turn up and watch the boys in Brighton the next night, but now we had some serious drinking to do. Gaz recommended a place called the Turf Tavern which was open till 4 but not one single fucking taxi driver in Nottingham seemed to know where it was. Nat went back to the hotel and so me, Mackle and Scott headed out. (I'm not sure if Mackle had had another shit by this point). Eventually, just as we were about to give up, we stumbled across it. It was a good little place, and we got suitably hammered. Now I wouldn't want to blight it's reputation permanently, but I need to also add here that it's one setback was that the majority of the females in the place were, to put it lightly, pretty shocking!! haha never mind! Got kicked out at 4 and I snuck a couple of bottles of broon ale back to the hotel in me undies so we could have a nightcap and see what tomorrow brought.

Saturday 26th July: The Hobgoblin, Brighton
What seems like a good idea the night before isn't always necessarily the best idea when you wake up with a fucking stonking hangover, haha. In that situation though, I always firmly believe you should ask yourself one question - "What would Keith Richards do?" - Of course he'd go to fucking Brighton to carry on the party!! So we got kicked out of the Holiday Inn, not realising the check-out time was at 11am, without Scott being able to have a shower. Why? You guessed it - Mackle was having a shit! Checked a couple of emails, got a spot of brekkie, got a photo outside Rock City, loaded the gear in from Junktion 7, and then hit the road for 4-5ish hour drive to Brighton.

Stopped at 2 services on the way so Mackle could have a shit, and hit traffic on the car park that is the M25 so we took a bit longer than we thought.

Got to Brighton about 5pm and set about looking for somewhere to stay. Like a token Northerner in a southern seaside town though I took a wrong turning down a pedestrianised street - which turned out to be lucky because who would happen to be coming walking around the corner at that very same second, but the Hip Priest and Muscle Car boys... we, of course, got a rapturous ovation probably more out of sheer surprise and disbelief that we'd actually made it!!
Now if anyone in this band had any nouce about them whatsoever we would have realised beforehand that it's the middle of July and getting a room in Brighton is like gold dust. As Lee himself put it "half of London descends on Brighton every weekend, so that's why it's full of cockney cunts like me", haha. We drove around for 3 hours checking places and ringing hotels but with no joy (which wasn't all bad though because I must say the standard of young lady on the South Coast is somewhat astounding so the three hours perving were worth it alone!!) So, where many would have decided it just wasn't going to happen we thought it would be more fun to just make sure we were out drinking long enough to not need to sleep anywhere but the car. I parked it at the train station (which was fine by Mackle because he had somewhere to have a shit in the morning), and set out for the night.

Food in Subway and then onto the gig at the Hobgoblin. It turned out there wasn't enough room on the bill for us to play because all the bands had shown up (which is sometimes a rarity these days) - that didn't matter one bit though, the main aim of the night was to carry on where the party had left off the night before. I didn't see much of the first band as we'd gone to freshen up as it were (by that I mean there was no bog roll in the venue so Mackle needed the Train Station toilets for a shit). Musclecar were on second though and once again played a blinder. Caught about half of the next band who were fairly decent I thought, and then the Priests let loose for a belter of a set. Last up were an all-girl fronted outfit called Disco Volante who were from Sweden, and they really did impress me a lot.

On from there at kicking out time, suitably pissed, to a little rock club down the road called The Engine Rooms, and the boss from the Hobgoblin got us all in for free which was very nice of him. This reminded me quite a lot of Jilly's in Manchester, though it was pretty quiet for a Saturday night. Doesn't really matter when you've got pole dancers and Motorhead to keep you entertained though does it? Stayed in there till we got kicked out which was quite late, then thought it was a better idea to sleep on the beach rather than trek back to the station. (Mackle was alright as long as he could get back there soonish in the morning). We then realised that Andy and Bev of Revenge of the Psychotronic Man had set us some tour challenges - the only one of which we managed to do was to go skinny dipping. The English Channel is surprisingly warm at 6 in the morning though which is all good.

Sunday 27th July: Drive the fuck home to Manchester.
What more could you want after three days of non-stop booze and rock n' roll that a fucking 7 hour drive back to Manchester? Well I for one can't think of anything.

We woke up on the beach at about 8 and decided to make our way back to the car (so Mackle could have a shit). We gave some Jehova's Witnesses some shit on the way back for forcing their children to go to the convention that was on, and then I slept a bit more in the car cos I had the drive in front of me. The boys headed out for brekkie and ran into the others in town.

Set off about 3 and 6-7 hours and 2 shit stops later here I am sat at the computer writing this drivel.

Brilliant weekend all in all and a massive cheers to everyone involved. Damo, Riley, Metal Dave, James, Lee, Gaz, Austin, James, Tim, Andy and anyone I've forgotten.

Work tomorrow though - it's a cunt isn't it!!

Mackle shit count: Well I've counted at least 15 shits in 3 days but I'm sure there might be a few more!!

I'm now off for a massive great pint of get fucked

Laters!!

- Mike P

02.09.07: The Thatched House, Stockport (Fungal Punk’s 3 Day Spit and Sawdust Piss n’ Punk Fest)

There’s something quite refreshing about the Fungal Punk SAS tour in that it really is one of those events which is all about the music and essentially having a mint time. We were originally planning to go down on the Saturday to watch a few bands like, but the gig at The Bowling Green came up at the last minute and so it ended up not being possible.

Got down there for about 5ish, just in time to see Barnyard Masturbator, James from the Guilty Pleasures, and The Red Necked Zombies (who I have to say were definitely the best band of the night for me – proper entertaining).

We were on about 7.45 and it was pretty packed for us. I like playing at The Thatched too… can really blast it out unlike at the Bowling Green the night before. Played out of our skins too, to a rapturous ovation, so much that even Mike A was fucked by the last song and couldn’t go on with the Husker Du cover at the end. Seemed to be received pretty well anyway, sold a couple of CDs, and generally had a fuckin’ well good time.

Stayed around to watch a couple more including Most Likely to Fail, who played ‘American Jesus’ better than Bad Religion.

Cheers for a top night once again OMD, and capping off a top weekend – Looking forward to next year’s

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

01.09.07: The Bowling Green, Manchester

Last minute addition to the gig calendar when two bands had unfortunately pulled out – yeah… we really are that good we can replace two bands ;-p Turned out to be quite a good ‘un too!

First up was an all girl band from Woking called Hearts Under Fire. They sounded a bit like Strike Anywhere in bits… Certainly made a lot of noise – which as we all know, of course, is never a bad thing!

We played in the middle, debuting the new and improved set which is even ballsier and shit kickin ’ than before. ‘Putsch’ got its first outing and seemed to go down pretty well with the limited, but receptive audience. Mackle’s just chuffed cos he gets to play a beat down in it anyway!

Last on were The Don Ramos Players from round Reading way. Have to say I quite liked these fellas… sound a fair bit like Hot Water Music I suppose if I had to compare them to anyone. Might be working with these boys in the future too off the strength of this gig… There’s been some talk of a possible split record for January followed by a tour around the same time (all in the early stages at the minute but not bad for one night’s work)

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

29.07.07: Font Bar, Manchester

Launch Party So the time was finally upon us... after 4 fucking months of pissing about after recording in February, which even involved 100 cds ending up in Penzance of all places, it was time for the launch of the new "Ready When You Are" EP.

The venue looked promising and we'd booked some good bands in the Straitjackets and the Despondents. However, as I'm sure anyone who's ever put a gig on before will tell you... expect the worst!! Gear was lloaded in by 5.00 and ready for soundcheck... that was of course until some po-faced bitch came down to tell us to shut the fuck up as it was too loud! You see the venue wasn't supposed to be open on Sunday afternoon until they decided they might make some money out of the Arctic Wankfaces being on at LCCC. She'd be eating those words by the time the 100 or so people were watching us and buying beer by the gallon of course. Second problem was evident from the moment we switched on the PA and found that it was about powerful enough to stage an intimate James Blunt covers gig in someone's front room! ahh well... C'est la vie!

We had to make the best out of a bad job with the venue really and some sterling work was done by the Despondents entertaining the crowd with their catchy blend of garage punk. Despite the aforementioned vocals being a bag of shit they really got the attention of the crowd and played a bit of a blinder I thought. Good on yer lads!

The second set was cut short near to the end when the singer from the Straitjackets saw his arse about the PA situation and kicked his guitarist's pint at Nathan's amp smashing it to smitherines. It was a shame because I was enjoying their set up until then... ok the vocals were a bit shabby like, but it was passable to say the least. Ne'er mind... we all have bad days i suppose and the rest of the band couldn't have been more apologetic about the hissy fit... I'm sure they'll live to fight another day! Good band, nice lads!

It was our set last, and I was very impressed about the turnout... some people had gone to somewhat of an effort to turn out to this and it was all very much appreciated! Obviously we had to turn the guitars down a bit, (Nathan had to say 43 hail Mary's as such an act is blasphemy in his rock n' roll religion!! haha!), so the vocals were at least slightly audible... but we played tight as fuck and it was a really enjoyable 40 minute set! We threw in some of the new ones considering there's now 5 of them written before the 'old' CD actually came out (haha) and even Ginger Alan joined us on stage for a rendition of old favourite 'Los Olvidados'.

There were rapturous rounds of applause and hopefully we sent everyone away having seen a set they will remember - the Fungal Punk review can be read here! So the CD's on sale now from us and from roadkill records at the minute... let us know what you think when you get your copy, and we'll thank you all in person when the cunt goes platinum!!

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

27.07.07: Dry Bar, Manchester

Cunts
- Nathan

We were apprehensive to say the least... V-Man events - the reputation speaks for itself really. Nevertheless it was a good opportunity to play to a bit of a new crowd. So we brought far too much gear, ended up being pushed into going on first, and then scared the shit out of the fans of the band who were on after us with the home-made keyboard.

Job well done! Bring on fuckin' Wheatus!!!! On a positive note the sound was really good and its a decent sized venue under there... even if it does stink a bit of piss. Sound man was a jolly chap too!!... plus we were in the boozer by 9.30! Mint!

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

03.06.07: Joshua Brooks, Manchester

I like That’s Not Skanking nights… there’s always a few there and always a good selection of bands catering for everyone but never compromising on the quality. Tonight promised to be more of the same. For us especially, after being described as ‘Riff-heavy, crazy-dancin' melodic RnR from these rockin' bastards. Like the Wildhearts jumping up and down on Bob Mould's head…’ (Quote Liam) surely that’s enough to whet even the squarest of appetites.

First band on, Postcards From Wakanda, were from Bolton, but I was determined not to hold it against them and actually judge them on their merits… and their merits were actually pretty damn fine. A catchy blend of poppy punk sort of stuff with plenty of melody and a couple of uber fast guitar licks which seemed to go down well with the crowd. I missed a bit of the next band, Second in Line, as I had to do a little entertaining with the invited guests upstairs, but what I heard of them I liked. They even did a rendition of the ‘Only Fools and Horses’ theme at the end which is always a good thing.

We were on next, and it was a bit of a belter I thought. Guitars were proper fuckin’ loud just the way we like it… and I don’t think we put a foot wrong through the whole set. The new song ‘Folie á Deux’ (or affectionately known as either ‘Spade’ or ‘The French Cunt’) got its first outing and it seemed to be received quite well. Hey! We must have been alright anyway as we managed to sell a few t-shirts as well haha! I think Nathan was particularly happy with the  comment that we sounded “beefy as fuck!” anyway.

Harijan played last. As regular readers (haha) may be aware I’m not the biggest fan of ska, but when you watch harijan it’s that much of a cracking show that you find it hard not to like it - and you can‘t deny quality entertainment such as through… well, most of the gig actually… the trombone player is trying his hardest to kick off with the whole fucking crowd.

Anyway, a good time was had by all though I think, and cheers to the lovely fellas at TNS once again for a top night… hope to do it again soon.

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

26.05.07: The Nice n’ Sleazy Festival, The Trimpell Club, Morecambe
It was with somewhat of a note of caution that we once again set sail for the shores of Lancashireshire… Morecambe being in such close proximity to Lancaster that is! And once again we couldn’t find the fucking way because we really are all daft cunts! We eventually managed to get to where the AA instructions told us to go… which was about a mile away from where we needed to be, and were greeted in a car park by about 20 Norweigen Hell’s Angels (serious). We were gonna ask them for directions but then realised Mike A had his Dead Kennedys t-shirt on - close shave there then!

So we eventually manage to find the place. Parked the car and decided we were gonna go suss the place out… and no word of a lie within the first 60 seconds 2 police cars and an ambulance turned up to separate 2 crusty punks who were trying to knock seven sorts of shit out of one another.

Mint!

We found a pitch for the tent and set up camp and went off for some supplies… beer and Doritos - all you fuckin need! Watched Goldblade, support our fellow Mancs like, and John Robb fucked himself up pretty badly on their last song… hope the fella’s alright. By the time we got back to the tent Mike A had made friends with our neighbours who we subsequently found out were the Guilty Pleasures who we are playing with in September in Stockport. Proper nice lads as well. So we got pissed and Nathan busted out some memorable dance moves to “Kill the Poor” which we had blasting out of the car stereo for the whole campsite.

Don’t remember much more from the Friday night apart from waking up to find Nat had slept in the car cos he didn’t have a sleeping bag, freezing his  bollocks off and trying to drink JD to keep warm.
Next morning had a little scout into the town as I wanted to get a picture with Eric Morecambe. Found it, snapped it, then went for a little pick me up in a dirty little greasy spoon. When in Rome n all that!

We were on about 2.30. Watched a couple of bands before us. There was a band called Medusa whose singer had the most outrageous pair of trousers I have ever seen. - fluorescent pink and black tiger stripes. They also played a cover of “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol which I was chuffed about. Then there was another band on whose name escapes me, they were pretty decent, although it did seem they took the piss a bit with their set length.

Anyway… time for us! I’m sure you know by now that we’re sort of renowned for the whole big beefy guitar thing - well let’s just say it left a bit to be desired on that front. I thought we played alright but it sounded pretty weak on stage so I’m not sure if it was the same on the other side. Anyway the Guilty Pleasures brought about 10 of their mates and spent the whole gig creating a violent mosh pit haha! Cheers lads. We seemed to go down pretty well with some of the crusties too which is always a bonus!

All in all a very enjoyable weekend though… hopefully we can do it all again next year!

Inabityosafe
- Mike P

30.04.07: The Common Place, Leeds
Well, as per usual, we couldn't find our way there thanks to Leeds town centre and it's fucked up one-way system.  After several attempts at asking locals and endless driving around we eventually gave up and parked up outside the Corn Exchange for a nap. Just as we'd given up hope, Andy GI came to our rescue with directions.

It was just around the corner.

First impressions of the venue were something along the lines of a soup kitchen for vagrants and the social persona non grata or perhaps a dilapidated ruin of what was once a school hall; it was pretty cool though nevertheless.  The free vegan chilli smelled nice but was subsequently polished off by Avery and some uninvited back-packing free-loaders.
 
First band on were Magnus Magnusson, a pretty vitriolic yet equally candid punky acoustic duo - good stuff. One of the bands of the night on next; Movment Library were fucking ace - tighter than you dare - hard, fast drumming and a big meaty guitar sound. Make sure you purchase their demo, it's good.

The sing-a-long pop punk from Takato had me almost dancing - which is a bit weird - followed by It's Broken. Pretty decent disjointed hardcore together with pissed up band members made for an interesting set!

I reckon we played a bit of a cracker to be honest although I think the guitars were no way near loud enough. I won't be happy until we're touring massive stadia purely just because I'll have the ability to kill or, at the very least, seriously maim small herds of cattle just by ringing out an E minor. Get a load of the pics as well, taken by Hannah Clarke.
- Nathan

15.04.07: Thatched House, Stockport
So... fresh from been shafted by two metal bands in Lancashire (there's a bit of a pattern emerging there methinks... remember Chorley?) it was on to Mikey Wong's world famous Swing Ball, which we knew before we even got there was gonna be mint!

Sunny Sunday afternoon drive to Stockport (whilst taking a detour to perv on the scantily clad scallies in Weaste and Hulme... ooooh yeah!) - I even decided to get me shorts on like! Anyway, arrived just to see the end of the last song from Section 47 (sorry boys!). Bad Day at Black Rock were on next, and for a second gig when their singer had left two days previously they were not bad at all I might add. Reminded me of a pixies-esque thing going on but with a lot more fuckin' groove and rawk!

A swift break in bands, so me, Nat and Mackle went out for some sunshine and cigarettes only to discover that after 5 o' clock the whole of fucking Stockport just closes down - weird place! Couldn't get any fags so decided to head back - just in time for Sense of Urgency. Ska's never really been my thing, but it was an enjoyable set and it fit in reet nice with the good weather like!

There was a bit of break for the next hour or so, so Mikey Wong superstar compere could do his turn and get the first raffle for those scroungers at Christies out of the way... though for some reason it was split into two and no-one knew what the fuck was going on. Pure hilarity though

I think everyone was wowwed by the next show of the night. I remember at the Castle a few months back when we played with Revenge of the Psychotronic Man and they seemed a bit off in places like... none of that tonight though... pure fuckin' genius - and the Belinda Carlisle cover even prompted a stage invasion with the Wongster hogging the mic hahaha!

We were on next (and last, as Judder and the Jackrabbits had pulled out due to transport issues - shame, I was quite looking forward to seeing them too!) and I have to say I think we played a bit of a belter. It's always good when you notice a bit of a crowd appreciation... means you can rock out a bit more without feeling like too much of a mong haha. Played pretty much the full back catalogue over 40 minutes and we proper enjoyed it too! (fucked afterwards mind, might have to get down the gym or summat!)

Finally the night was capped off with the second of Wong's raffles. Remember what I said about ska? well how very apt that having stood there in great anticipation with my two strips I walked away with a fucking signed Less Than Jake CD!!! Haha... never mind... I did a good deed and passed it on to the little kid who's eyes lit up when he saw it - bless.

Anyway a good night was had by all methinks, and apparently it raised £200+... can't wait for the next one?!?!?!?!

iInabityosafe!
- Mike P

13.04.07: Cellar Bar, Blackburn
We got there early - like we usually do with every gig - and there were these five or six seventeen years olds a few tables along from us; you know, the kind of people who think they're 'proper metal heads' but have never heard of Saxon. I thought I was immature, jesus. After one too many racist jibes from the little bastards, Mackle, Mike P and I decided to make a sharp exit and get something to eat.

By the time we got back, the two metal bands we were on with had decided amongst themselves that it was best if we went first without telling us - which was nice, as we were billed otherwise - so we sucked it up like the passive aggressive bunch of plantpots that we are and went on first.

We got on stage and a) we were very fucking loud, b) we were very fucking tight and c) we played one of the best gigs that we've played ever - in my opinion - and they're was no one there to witness it. On the upside though, we got to meet the Corrupted guys again who are the kind of people a band like us are grateful of - no bullshit, just ordinary guys who love decent music - all in all, a fun night and definitely worth the drive down there.
- Nathan